You know what’s ironic?
A few weeks ago, I was trying to compose a text message to a friend about feeling rejected. When I wrote rejected using the T9 predictive text, the first word to come up was selected.
2007 has definitely not been my year for being selected. Instead, I keep getting rejected. I’ve taken lots of L’s (losses) this year. Take a look:
- January: submitted conference proposal, it was rejected (repeat two more times in August and November!).
- April: boyfriend breaks up with me. I try to plead my case a few weeks later in May. He still says it’s best if we’re not together.
- May: apply for the legislative liaison position with the Graduate Students Association. Get passed up for someone with more experience. Ah, politics.
- November: X, the guy I’d been dating for a couple months, gets bored/disinterested/whatever with me and we stop dating.
- November: take qualifying exam. Doesn’t go so well. Have to retake one of three questions.
I’m hopeful 2008 will be better and that I’ll find “someone who cares about the world as much as I do” or just get some serious work done toward graduating.
A little gift: State of Affairs by Los Abandoned [right click, save as]… sigh. They broke up too.
While waiting to pick up our exams on Friday morning, the topic somehow turned to pirates.
I asked Doug, “did you celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day this year?”
He nodded his head.
“Wait, is it international or just national?”
Doug responded, “I don’t know.”
“Maybe it is international, but only in the English speaking part of the world, the UK, Australia…” I mused.
Nolan jumped in, “how do pirates speak in other languages? How would a Mexican pirate sound?”
“I think they just really roll their ‘aaarrrrghs’,” I responded logically.
Dear Family, Friends, E-Stalkers, and anyone else who reads my blog,
Thanks for the support this weekend. I really appreciated seeing your good wishes pop up in my inbox (at least when I had my wi-fi turned on). The weekend was pretty tough. I freaked out at least once. I took a walk and played Ozomatli’s “Can’t Stop” and Guns N Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” loud on my iPod to clear my head of the self doubt. It worked too. Getting some sun and fresh air* was also good as I had been cooped in my apartment for a couple of days. I slept enough, but I think my eating habits and the stress affected my complexion (too much sugar?).
I turned in the exam a few minutes before the 11 am deadline. When I arrived, I was greeted by four of my fellow test-takers and study group. I submitted the papers and drank some champagne. We talked about weird dreams — who had time to sleep? — and agreed to meet up for a mid-day happy hour to celebrate getting through some good ol’ fashioned academic hazing.
I don’t feel too confident that I did well. I feel about two-thirds confident (there were three questions). And don’t tell me I did great, ’cause I know my work. I’m done with the crying and I think I’m okay with messing up or even failing. As Blake Sennett of Rilo Kiley sings, “everyone fucks up, it’s gonna be okay.”
On the bright side, now that the exam is over and I wait a few weeks for the results I’ll have plenty of time to write about my fun and exciting life. I know you all missed me.
Now, off to sleep.
*By LA standards
I’m really bad at asking for help, but I can improve, and I can ask for help.
If you know me outside the realm of this blog, please call or text or email or IM to check in on me. I probably won’t respond, but it will be nice to know I have people behind me. And if you don’t know me outside the realm of this blog, you can still email or leave a comment. Just tell me to get back to work. Or just pray.
I pick up the exam at 9… deep breaths.
I need sleep. A hammock would be nice. I don’t mind if it’s in Hacienda Heights under la mora (the mulberry tree) or in Cozumel.